If you haven't seen Game of Thrones, you can just read this and maybe it'll be the same, but probably not. Warning: This post contains season 2 spoilers; click the "Read More" in the bottom right-hand corner if you want to be spoiled (unless you've seen it already) *Reader discretion is advised* Another Warning: I don't remember a lot from this season. Whoops. Robb offers the Lannisters peace in exchange for the North's independence, so he sent Theon Greyjoy (Ned Stark's ward) to Pyke (where House Greyjoy is) in order to gain Balon Greyjoy (Theon's father)'s support and Catelyn to seek Renly Baratheon (Robert's brother)'s. Cersei rejects Robb's offer, but Robb has Jaime imprisoned in his camp, so guess who's not getting their brother anytime soon. Answer: Cersei Lannister. Some time during this imprisonment, he gets his hand chopped off because he refused to give information on... something that I don't remember. Probably something like what the Lannister's next moves are. Catelyn arrives at Renly's camp to negotiate an alliance, and Brienne of Tarth (the lady warrior and she's so cool) wins the right to join Renly's guard. Renly gets murdered from dark magic sent by the Red Lady, an emissary of Stannis Baratheon. Renly practically got killed by his own brother. Catelyn and Brienne flee Renly's camp, and Renly's supporters switch their allegiance to Stannis and rejoin Robb's army. While that's happening, Theon betrays the Starks by siding with his father and seizing Winterfell by force. I remember during that scene, there were burnt bodies hanging from giant sticks. It was crazy. Oh yeah. The burnt bodies were both kids. Robb receives news of Theon's plans and sends men to retake Winterfell, while inside the city the Starks' allies form plans to sneak Bran and Rickon (the other little baby Stark) out of Winterfell. Meanwhile, Theon goes to Pyke, and he gets a horse ride from a stranger. Little does he know that this "stranger" is actually his sister, Yara Greyjoy, who's just seeing how her little brother turned out. He starts flirting with her and bragging about how important he is. So that was a little weird, but, I mean, it's not like there isn't other incest in the show (cough cough Jaime and Cersei cough cough). When Theon arrives at the Pyke castle, Balon says how he's a disgrace since he's so loyal to the Starks. Balon notices how prestigious Theon's clothes are, and he's disgusted by it. Theon informs Balon that the Starks treat him better, and Robb thinks of him as a brother. Balon rejects the alliance with the Starks. No surprise, really. Robb learns that Catelyn has secretly freed Jaime Lannister, now escorted by Brienne of Tarth, in order to ransom her daughters Sansa and Arya. Brienne and Jaime start to become friends, and I love it. Robb also starts a relationship with Talisa Maegyr, and they're so cute. I love it. While all of that's going on, Arya pretends to be one of Yoren (the recruiter of the Night's Watch)'s recruits. She meets Gendry and "Hot Pie," who both find out that she is actually a girl. Gendry is a bastard , and guess who his freaking dad is. Robert Baratheon. Yeah. You know, the Robert Baratheon who was the King of Westeros? That Robert Baratheon. Crazy, I know. But Gendry doesn't know this, and there's a warrant for him from King's Landing; Gendry also confesses to Arya that Ned questioned him before Gendry left, so Ned knew about Gendry. The people who have the warrant on Gendry, the Goldcloaks, came back with Lannister men; Yoren dies trying to defend Gendry. The Night's Watch gets taken to Tywin Lannister (Cersei, Jaime, and Tyrion's father) in Harrenhal, and he immediately knows that Arya is Arya and not the boy she was posing to be. Tywin Lannister leaves Harrenhal, which allows Arya Stark, Gendry and Hot Pie to make an escape. In King's Landing, Cersei attempts to blackmail Tyrion by abducting the whore, Ros, because Cersei believes Ros is his secret lover. Tyrion destroys attackers with an exploding ship full of wildfire, and is forced to lead a counterattack as King Joffrey and his bodyguard Sandor Clegane each desert the battlefield. Stannis' men make it inside the castle, but Tyrion leads his men behind the Baratheon forces via underground tunnels and attacks. Stannis is defeated when Tywin's forces arrive at King's Landing shortly after. While Jon is with the Night's Watch, they meet a really old man named Craster who they want to be allies with, and he literally has kids with his daughters. I repeat: Craster makes children with his own children. Another guy on the Night's Watch, Samwell Tarly, meets one of Craster's daughters, Gilly. Gilly's pregnant, but she's scared to have a boy, but Jon and Samwell don't know why. But I do; it's because if it's not a girl, then they leave the baby out in the cold for the White Walkers (you know the whole "Winter is coming" thing? Yeah they mean the White Walkers. They're sort of zombie-like, and their swords shatter real-life swords. It's crazy). One night Jon sees Craster bring a baby outside, so he follows Craster and sees that Craster is leaving it for the White Walker. Craster sees Jon because Jon is apparently terrible at hiding, and Jon gets knocked out. This makes Craster refuse their alliance and kick them out. Good going, Jon. Jon and the other rangers go to an ancient peak called the Fist of the First Men to wait for Qhorin Halfhand, a member of the Night's Watch, and his party from The Shadow Tower. Jon joins Qhorin's group and is let go from the group of rangers. Qhorin brings them to a pass where they ambush wildling watchers. Jon has to kill a woman, Ygritte, but he is very hesitant. Qhorin probably thinks that Jon is just nervous because everyone was watching him, so he leaves Jon alone to kill her. Jon doesn't do it, and Ygritte escapes until he recaptures her. Somehow Ygritte trips Jon with the rope that's used as a sort of leash so she wouldn't get away, and she ties him up and brings him to the Lord of Bones, a notorious raider. But the Lord of Bones has Qhorin as his prisoner. The Lord of Bones tells Jon, Ygritte, and Qhorin, and a whole group or raiders to become spies in the wildling ranks, but while Ygritte and Jon are distracted, Qhorin plans to portray Jon as a traitor to the Night's Watch. Qhorin needs to stop because guess what. Jon will kill you in less than 5 minutes. Literally. Qhorin attacks Jon and calls Ned a traitor, Jon kills him, and Qhorin uses his last breath to recited a line from the Night's Watch oath. Go watch Game of Thrones.
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