Me? You’re talking to me? Look, I’ll tell you whatever you want; just lower the gun, alright? I swear, I’m not armed, see? Look, I’ll empty my pockets to show you. Yeah, just some headphones and a little bit of change for the vending machine and the bus ride home- do you want that too? No, wait I wasn’t trying to be smart or anything, I swear. Just, they have good Cheetos in there right now, that’s all.
What’d you ask? Yes, sir, I work here- graveyard shift for about three years now. Got this job right out of college- graduated with about the most useless degree possible. Don’t you just wish the damn guidance counselors would say it to your face? I mean, they must’ve figured out majoring in the Fine Arts with a minor in Russian Literature wasn’t the way to go, right? But nope, they don’t tell that to you until you’re $50,000 in debt. But, anyway, so I’m fresh out of college- No, sir, I’m sorry for rambling. Look, I’m not sure if that’s a great idea; Mr. Erics- that’s my boss, by the way, he started this gallery with his wife about a century and a half ago- he was saying they added all this new security a few weeks ago, just to get ready to house the Diamond Ballerina! No, no, I know this isn’t my robbery, all I was saying is that if I was you- Ow! Holy shit! Yeah, yeah, I can take you to the vault! Fuck, that hurts, man! Just, give me a moment okay?! I’m a security guard, but that doesn’t mean I like to be punched, dude! Please, just don’t hurt me, okay? I’ve got a wife and kids at home, man. Little daughter, her birthday’s this weekend. She’ll be three, I think. Casey, my wife, is already stressed about Sophie's party, as if the kid’s gonna remember it anyways. Don’t get me wrong, I love Soph half to death, but, Christ, ever since she was born Casey’s been so stressed out all the time! Doesn’t want to do anything anymore! My sister, Margret, she told me that was gonna happen- she's got 4 boys of her own up in Vermont- but I didn’t believe her! Thought she was just jealous I was gonna have a girl! Anyway though, if you kill me now my little girl’s not going to ever see her daddy again! Come on, don't be heartless! See, I'm taking you there, right? I'm doing what you said. Well, here we are, man. I’m afraid I don’t know the combination though, so I’m not totally sure how you’re going to be getting in there, but, well, you guys are the professional thieves here.
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